So here is the question, for those who have reconciled by detachment, or have read about others reconciling by detachment can you explain those stories or point me in the right direction? I have read most of Mozza's links, but I am interested in reading more.
In most situations, the biggest reason "detachment" works for reconciliation is that most WAW situations involve an affair. Affairs rarely endure and most end within 2 years. Once they end, the wayward spouse often has an awakening (or repents) and seeks out the betrayed spouse. Because the betrayed spouse has "detached" he or she remains willing to CONSIDER reconciliation whereas the betrayed spouse that doesn't detach completely frustrates themselves and much sooner than later ends up HATING their wayward spouse and never wanting anything to do with them ever again.
Essentially. Most couples reconcile given time. Detachment buys more time.
Simple love tank mathematics.
In the meantime, if you are never going to reconcile anyway, might as well get the detachment process started now. So detachment is a win-win as long as you don't mess it up falling in love with someone else and THEN your X decides she wants to reconcile but you are divorced. She'd just be another single woman for you to consider or not.
In your situation I don't buy the persuer distancer concept and line of thinking that by detaching your wife is more likely to pursue you. She's got her own agenda. She was never a cake eater. You leaving her alone appears to be exactly what she wants. Might as well jump in a briar patch before thinking that she's going to wake up simply because you detached. That's not to say you can't attract her back by being a great new you (who happens to be detached and not needy or clingy) but that's not reflective of her pursuing because you left her alone and took away her ego kibbles. She seems to need you for nothing...not even collaborative parenting.
Speaking of collaborative parenting. Have you ever read about parallel parenting plans? Might help you detach better instead of pursuing her to collaborative parent when she's not seeming to really want to. Something to consider.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
