Quick poll. While u are doing the lrt and going dark, moving on wih your life with or without them, do u wear your wedding ring? She doesn't and hasn't for months. Should I mirror that? I'm not looking to date anyone but when meeting new people it almost offers an automatic reason for them to ask questions about my marriage and then I never escape from it even when gal
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I am glad to see that you're lining up some GAL activities and getting out of the house.
As for W 'telling' you that she isn't having an affair, it's par for the course...they all lie to your face. Again, again and AGAIN. Then they work with their affair partners to take the A deeper in the underground. Trust me, they're most probably talking about ways to cover up the A and strategizing ways to keep the wool over your eyes.
Just don't take W's words at face value, Rip. Continue to be vigilant for ANY sign of a probable ongoing, active A.
Ok. Eyes wide open because I won't put it up with it if that is the case. Just of the opinion that I need to stop spending time on her and spend time on me and my sons
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Well wonka was right. She just told me she filed on Saturday and staying in the house cuz she has residence. Been having affair since February and with him Sunday. Not sure what to do now. Going to sell our house and move on
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Do nothing tonight. You need to get out of the house and go for a walk to process and collect your emotions.
Tomorrow, we will work with you on the next steps. We will work with you on a script for the "not willing to live in an open M" boundary. From that point and on, it will be TOUGH.
Tough as putting on your kelvar helmet and spew jacket because once you state your no-OM script to W, she'll come out of her foxhole with guns blazing.
Start mentally preparing yourself for that route should you elect to proceed with it. We all are here on standby ready and willing to assist you.
One thing you DO need to do immediately is to seek a L and ask about your rights---first thing tomorrow morning. Knowledge is power. Seeking a L is necessary to protect yourself. It does not necessarily mean that a D is in the works or that you're moving out. Do not say a peep to W about seeing a L. It is your private business.
The main thing is that you continue to stay in the house and sleep in the MBR. It is your house. If W has a problem with it, she needs to be the one to leave the house.
I sure felt better when I took my ring off compared to first separation when I didnt. Then, I had believed it stays on until D no mattr what. It's a personal choice but it made me so angry after 'piecing' blew up -and I didn't want to have the symbol tarnished by the current months. Put it away where it might not collect my grief and anger, and felt free to move on.
Yes, as you say, I've found it sends a msg to those who would otherwise politely ask.
I'm sorry, Rip.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
