So here is the question, for those who have reconciled by detachment, or have read about others reconciling by detachment can you explain those stories or point me in the right direction? I have read most of Mozza's links, but I am interested in reading more.
From my reading of the success stories, the reason that detachment lead to reconciliation is based on the Dance of Pursuit and Distance. As long as your ex knows that you're trying to win her back, she'll keep her distance. But when she sees you slipping away, she's afraid of losing you for real and she becomes the pursuer. It's something that you might fake early on, but over time you need to truly detach, to truly not really care what they do or think, for them to feel it. Vets talk about it and it's happening right now on these boards if you follow NH115 and even TenBook to an extent.
Honestly, I don't even know how it works in my own sitch. I've been distant and limiting contact with WW since September, never pursuing and cutting all non-kid contact since early February and nothing's changed. I tell myself that these things take time and I try to use the gift of time. This is also important: GALing leads to detaching. My take is that your GAL should thrill you, not just keep you busy. What if I told you that you have a good six to nine months before any of these things have an effect on WAW (if ever)? How would you spend these months, freed from the hope that something could happen in the meantime?
You might also want to have a look at the first three chapters of Models by Mark Mason where he explains attraction, neediness (repulsive to women) and vulnerability (attractive). It's quite an eye opener on what you need to do to attract anyone, including WAW.
Hope this helps.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
