People who are in the beginning stages of an A are not right up in their heads. Totally messed up and they block out everything in their minds except the OW/OM. It is all about getting their "fix" from the dopamine....OW/OM. They behave like a drug addict.
Yes, I agree with other posters that you really need to take proactive steps to protect yourself financially. The one problem is that you are a SAHM, right? Your H is the primary breadwinner...is that right?
Lastly, you really need to be calm and firm when talking about the OW. She is nothing. She's an annoying gnat. Give your H the look and say, "Really?!" when talking about taking OW to the Bahamas. Simply say, "It is totally inappropriate and I am not having this conversation. I am not going to cover up or lie for you."
When H said that wants to talk to the kids, he's trying to control the narrative here. In his mind, you two will sit down with the kids and H will most likely want to say this to them: "Mom and I have decided to separate. We are not happy and drifted apart. Nothing will change. You will continue to live here in the house."
Don't roll over and just do what H says. Take back your own personal power and put your foot down.
Look, H already fired you as a wife so he's already checked out and gone. How much worse can it get??! Exactly. You've already faced the tough stuff and you're still standing.
Another thing that usually scares the daylights out of people is the LBS telling the kids and family of the actual truth. That, of course, will send them spewing. Not your problem. Affairs thrive under the cover of darkness.
Notice what happens when you overturn a big rock outside on the ground? All crawlies scurrying like crazy at being exposed to the sunlight/light.
FYI, I've had a front row seat to my late father's numerous affairs and I didn't die when learning of them. The truth does not kill people.
