Part 18 - Creeping onward

[edz]

Morning all

Lovely day here if very windy.

Busy evening last night, swimming with s then making dinner and then when he was tucked up in bed rebuilding a laptop for his coding taster day later today. About 2 by the time I crashed out in bed, crawled up the stairs went in and tucked s in and got a small voice daddy can I have a glass of water so back down I went

Slept well up and morning ablutions and getting ready, made home made croissants and just chilling before we head out.

Nothing from w besides a few fb posts last night. That's fine though she should work out what she wants to do and then come back to me. May be doing something tomorrow all together if she's up to it as we discussed the other day. If not s and I will pick something to do together hopefully the sun will last through the weekend anyway

Later all.

[edz]

Evening all

son is in the bath, been a busy day with s going to a coding experience day and enjoying himself ('wow' friend and son where there as well) he really got into the game making side and enjoyed himself.

He was tired this afternoon though and went for a lie down for a little while when we got back. Made gammon, chips peas and eggs but he had a minor wobble this evening being rather emotional but we had a talk and he seems better now.

W had called while I was making dinner etc (phone had ended up on silent somehow) then texted saying given up ringing now. Called back and w said she has a nice leg of lamb and trimmings in why dont we all eat together tomorrow, seemed to immediately fret and say just food, she's got too much in. So said that would be lovely, dont worry it sounds like a lovely dinner.

Beach is still happening for s and I w is thinking and will let me know in the morning if she wants to come along.

So thats a nice development.

Anyway have to get s out of the bath before he becomes a prune.

Will catch up later.

Edz

[Vanilla]

What is a coding experience day. I did try googling it but got some weird answers.

Guess it is something to do with programming? But games?

Trust lamb and trimmings went well. Prunes go well with lamb make a lovely gravy.

V

[edz]

Hi v its a series of free days to introduce kids to computer coding using the scratch environment. S built his first maze game guiding a knight through a maze to reach a dragon (s changed his to be a ghost) good fun and he enjoyed it.

Busy day - mine all seem to be which is good.

W was disappointed with her cooking saying it wasn't one of her best but s and I enjoyed it and the cheesecake she made. We had a nice afternoon together another hug and kiss and I then took s down to the beach to throw the ball around while w stayed at the flat.

Now going along with s to a history day at the cathedral tomorrow at WS request (booked the day not playing hookie) so will see them again tomorrow.

W still seems conflicted holding and kissing me but it's clear she still has concerns about us getting back together. Just need to take it slowly and one day at a time.

So read to s while he had his bath and again at bed time when I tucked him in and then headed back here to the bft and a chill out before bed time.

So yes good day, carrying on carrying on still but feel good about myself and the sitch seems positive, trying to give w space and time as a default and the time were together is as a result of her inviting me or suggesting we spend it together.

No guarantees no timescales and I try to have controlled expectations. W has moved toward me but isnt ready for more yet but clearly likes my company and doesnt appear to be friend zoning me.

There is nothing more I can hope for at the moment, time and patience is the next move and meantime more work on me.

[Sotto]

Hi Edz - all sounds good - hugs and kisses....wow! I think you're approaching things the right way. Mr Cool - no pushing. I also think it's good to keep having your own plans and moving forward yourself - keep that cake baking in the oven..

Did yoga go ahead last week?

Good for you - enjoy the cathedral today!

((Edz))

[Vanilla]

Lots of RDs stars.


And how is BFT?

Also do they do those days for big kids like V?

V

[edz]

Well good morning everyone

Was a busy day yesterday so by the time I eventually stopped put the Tv on and fell asleep on the sofa so no updates.

This morning usual start exercised etc and work started, BFT fed V (she's a very happy BFT right now as Ive switched her from ham and chicken to tuna - the eco-friendly one costs about the same as cat food - and cat vitamin oils) and started work.

Lovely sunny one down here again today as was yesterday.

The coding day is, I believe, open to all ages V its through Barclays a good Google should pick it up It uses the child-friendly "blocks" approach in scratch (this generations replacement for Logo if you remember that) you may want to check some of the coding courses on Lynda.com though if you fancy a more adult oriented introduction to coding

So yesterday usual start, washed the car ready then went and picked up some bottled water for the trip and change for the park and ride. Went over and picked up w & s and we had a nice car trip, w brought up lots of places we had been before, that we nearly bought houses in etc which seemed a good sign and s was brilliantly behaved in the car.

We caught the park and ride and had a look around the town and lunch in a nice little restaurant (diet didn't do well yesterday but back on black coffee today) s had a minor meltdown that he wanted to get a game from the gaming store there but kept cool and calm with him, w left me to it while she excused herself and we then worked with him together to bring him around while we walked to the cathedral.

At the event he was great and engaged enjoying it (he has an interest in architecture and history). W and I chatted about how he was doing and a couple of points she touched on her not being "there" yet. Afterwards we made good on the promise to s and got him his game and then grabbed a coffee in Costa before getting the park and ride.

It was a great day, a very interesting tour and I took some nice pics of both the cathedral, w and s (just on my phone - I have no intention of being "the guy behind the camera" right now unless photography is a reason to be going somewhere) made sure I stayed with s & w as well - old days of rushing ahead or simply being "along for the ride" instead of with them are long gone and no longer welcome!

Drive home was lovely as well, nice drive on a sunny day with s & w everyone seemingly happy. W does not want to deal with MIL right now, and MIL was at the flat putting some of the dropped off contents in the loft, w texted she wasn't there though the car is (she didn't want to being me into it). So we went on and picked up some odds and ends and went back to my place so s could play his new game.

Made s some pasta with cheese and w & I spicy pork with spicy rice and peppers for dinner along with some wine (only a glass for me as I knew I'd be driving) and we had a good opportunity to talk more.

Again w opened up, a lot I wont go into here some I'd known some I hadn't about her being ill after s was born, about how she'd been hurt by me being stressed with him from a long time ago and then about the spiral we'd got into. We discussed how well we're now getting along not just as friends but as companions and what we can do from here. W is still scared, of what her mum will do if we get together and mostly what happens if I should revert to my old behaviour if we got together.

I validated and made clear that I have no intention of going back on anything, I like this me and I hadn't been happy, fit or well for a long time. I also made it clear I don't say I'm fault free because I had / have / am dealing with my depression I own those actions I made to ensure I learn from them. Lots of skirting discussions on how some things would work, W even joked she'd just painted s's room.

I made it clear of everyone in her life I am the one who has no desire to push, pressure or in any way make things harder for her and what if anything happens next is up to her.

We both agree we couldn't have continued how we were, w decided to tell me she'd had no intention of dating or seeing anyone else she'd been cajoled by friends who wanted her to try dating to see how she felt but refused, much like my friends with me they wanted her on dating sites but she acted much as I did. If we'd not got to where we are she wouldn't have been interested in approaching it for at least a year. I just let her talk, listened and validated and we joked that neither of us was interested in what our friends had been saying, turns out both sets of friends had recommended clubbing and speed dating which we;d independently thought oh god no! to. No offense I know a lot of people really like both, w's friend is an extrovert as are friends of mine they love both but we're more people who would love to go to places, wine tasting, chheeeeeese nights etc. W said she would really love us to do these things together, she's also invited me along to a friends holiday place in June along with s (she joked its the week of our anniversary) not reading anything bar separate beds into that but said I would be delighted to come along. We'll see what happens.

Again a very brief summary, some of it was personal to w, how she had felt over a long period, issues she had faced and how she'd made big mistakes unloading on her mum leaving her a hill to climb insofar as her reaction to a reconciliation and there was too much to go into in detail.

By 8'ish I took her and s back to the flat so she could feed wft and get s to bed, I just dropped them off as we agreed that would be least disruptive to s after a busy day and would mean an easier bedtime for him.

I'll be taking s swimming tonight so will pick him up after work.

All in all a good day, some good communication (which we agree was where everything went pear shaped with w feeling she had tried talking to me before but I hadn't been listening unlike now) w said in July August the idea of where we are now would have been laughable to her but we're continuing.

So I shall keep on keeping on, validating, being open and honest (nothing I say or do is any kind of fake it till you make it anymore, its all just me) and we'll see.

It does become harder to keep expectations in check as we progress but I'm aware we could hit bumps, w could pull back to reconsider or be scared or could decide that the "whole new life" she had and still has the opportunity to have could be without me (I had pointed out in discussion when she raised "a whole new life" that that is exactly what we would have going forward I do not want any kind of re-run of the way we all were, none of us were happy for a long time - she accepted that) or with me.

Meantime work, swimming and a walk to get some photos printed today. Meatballs and chilli for dinner tonight.

Yoga cancelled I'm afraid Toots so I'm signing for a beginners pilates class instead.

Catch up with you all soon

[Sotto]

All sounds good Edz. Glad you had a good day - and still lots of positives with your W. Important just to go with the flow as you say. No need to press forwards - just take your time..

Shame about yoga. I've never tried pilates, but people love it. I was chatting to an older lady at swimming who goes to zumba and loves it. I may give that a try. I had no idea what it was, but had visions of 20 somethings in lycra - but if she goes, I'm sure I'll be ok.

Hope you've had a good day. I just posted that our very elderly black and white FT will be coming to join me soon...

[edz]

Yay for bawft!

Hi toots just finished dinner picked s up about 5:30 s was waiting so no interaction with w which is fine, s was a little cranky at first think he was a little tired and in sedentary mode but got him moving by the end. Home made s pene with tomato and meatballs made me the meatballs with tagletele and a tomato and chilli sauce with a fresh baked (from freezer) roll. Wine for me squash for him were just watching some TV before he heads for bed got to be up early (for him normal for me) as he has the dentists first thing and I'm meeting w there before work.

Zumba (dancing in general) isn't me as I have nerve damage and pins in my leg and although I can follow music (picking up keyboard again) this body is more built to wield a soldering iron or sledgehammer than boogie! Having said that there are classes at the sports centre and I dont know if its the area but the attendees range from the (as you say) 20 something's in nearly not there Lycra to 60 something's seems to appeal to a wide range.

Pilate's appeals as like yoga its slow and a wide experience range, well see it starts second week of may

Take it easy toots

[rd500]

Hi Edz. As Toots said all good , can I just add , take it easy , this will work out for you by the look of it. You seem to be saying a lot to W about you Your actions are what has her coming towards you , not words I'm just reminding you mate

Positive thoughts Edz. Looking very good to me.

Take care. Rd