Trying to get over all of this. I have a lot of issues deep inside. Below all the bullshit I've spewed out the last few months, I know what I want. The problem is I'm too late, too tired, and too overwhelmed to even think about it. I'm trying to get in to see a therapist I was once seeing last year, but haven't gotten a reply back yet. Going to have to really research that avenue more. It's going to be a very helpful tool moving forward.
I honestly don't know how we ever made it this far in our M, looking back at all the stuff I did, and she did. I'm just shocked that we have come this far. I was such a selfish utter jerk, I don't know if I can ever really love another human the way I am right now. She literally worked her tail off for the family, and I couldn't see it at all because my own needs were not being met. And I never stood up and said, hey I need something here to every once in a while. Instead I got mad, or went into fantasyland. I have a long way to go before I can ever realize what it truly means to be in a M.
