Part 18 - Creeping onward

[edz]

Well good morning everyone

Was a busy day yesterday so by the time I eventually stopped put the Tv on and fell asleep on the sofa so no updates.

This morning usual start exercised etc and work started, BFT fed V (she's a very happy BFT right now as Ive switched her from ham and chicken to tuna - the eco-friendly one costs about the same as cat food - and cat vitamin oils) and started work.

Lovely sunny one down here again today as was yesterday.

The coding day is, I believe, open to all ages V its through Barclays a good Google should pick it up It uses the child-friendly "blocks" approach in scratch (this generations replacement for Logo if you remember that) you may want to check some of the coding courses on Lynda.com though if you fancy a more adult oriented introduction to coding

So yesterday usual start, washed the car ready then went and picked up some bottled water for the trip and change for the park and ride. Went over and picked up w & s and we had a nice car trip, w brought up lots of places we had been before, that we nearly bought houses in etc which seemed a good sign and s was brilliantly behaved in the car.

We caught the park and ride and had a look around the town and lunch in a nice little restaurant (diet didn't do well yesterday but back on black coffee today) s had a minor meltdown that he wanted to get a game from the gaming store there but kept cool and calm with him, w left me to it while she excused herself and we then worked with him together to bring him around while we walked to the cathedral.

At the event he was great and engaged enjoying it (he has an interest in architecture and history). W and I chatted about how he was doing and a couple of points she touched on her not being "there" yet. Afterwards we made good on the promise to s and got him his game and then grabbed a coffee in Costa before getting the park and ride.

It was a great day, a very interesting tour and I took some nice pics of both the cathedral, w and s (just on my phone - I have no intention of being "the guy behind the camera" right now unless photography is a reason to be going somewhere) made sure I stayed with s & w as well - old days of rushing ahead or simply being "along for the ride" instead of with them are long gone and no longer welcome!

Drive home was lovely as well, nice drive on a sunny day with s & w everyone seemingly happy. W does not want to deal with MIL right now, and MIL was at the flat putting some of the dropped off contents in the loft, w texted she wasn't there though the car is (she didn't want to being me into it). So we went on and picked up some odds and ends and went back to my place so s could play his new game.

Made s some pasta with cheese and w & I spicy pork with spicy rice and peppers for dinner along with some wine (only a glass for me as I knew I'd be driving) and we had a good opportunity to talk more.

Again w opened up, a lot I wont go into here some I'd known some I hadn't about her being ill after s was born, about how she'd been hurt by me being stressed with him from a long time ago and then about the spiral we'd got into. We discussed how well we're now getting along not just as friends but as companions and what we can do from here. W is still scared, of what her mum will do if we get together and mostly what happens if I should revert to my old behaviour if we got together.

I validated and made clear that I have no intention of going back on anything, I like this me and I hadn't been happy, fit or well for a long time. I also made it clear I don't say I'm fault free because I had / have / am dealing with my depression I own those actions I made to ensure I learn from them. Lots of skirting discussions on how some things would work, W even joked she'd just painted s's room.

I made it clear of everyone in her life I am the one who has no desire to push, pressure or in any way make things harder for her and what if anything happens next is up to her.

We both agree we couldn't have continued how we were, w decided to tell me she'd had no intention of dating or seeing anyone else she'd been cajoled by friends who wanted her to try dating to see how she felt but refused, much like my friends with me they wanted her on dating sites but she acted much as I did. If we'd not got to where we are she wouldn't have been interested in approaching it for at least a year. I just let her talk, listened and validated and we joked that neither of us was interested in what our friends had been saying, turns out both sets of friends had recommended clubbing and speed dating which we;d independently thought oh god no! to. No offense I know a lot of people really like both, w's friend is an extrovert as are friends of mine they love both but we're more people who would love to go to places, wine tasting, chheeeeeese nights etc. W said she would really love us to do these things together, she's also invited me along to a friends holiday place in June along with s (she joked its the week of our anniversary) not reading anything bar separate beds into that but said I would be delighted to come along. We'll see what happens.

Again a very brief summary, some of it was personal to w, how she had felt over a long period, issues she had faced and how she'd made big mistakes unloading on her mum leaving her a hill to climb insofar as her reaction to a reconciliation and there was too much to go into in detail.

By 8'ish I took her and s back to the flat so she could feed wft and get s to bed, I just dropped them off as we agreed that would be least disruptive to s after a busy day and would mean an easier bedtime for him.

I'll be taking s swimming tonight so will pick him up after work.

All in all a good day, some good communication (which we agree was where everything went pear shaped with w feeling she had tried talking to me before but I hadn't been listening unlike now) w said in July August the idea of where we are now would have been laughable to her but we're continuing.

So I shall keep on keeping on, validating, being open and honest (nothing I say or do is any kind of fake it till you make it anymore, its all just me) and we'll see.

It does become harder to keep expectations in check as we progress but I'm aware we could hit bumps, w could pull back to reconsider or be scared or could decide that the "whole new life" she had and still has the opportunity to have could be without me (I had pointed out in discussion when she raised "a whole new life" that that is exactly what we would have going forward I do not want any kind of re-run of the way we all were, none of us were happy for a long time - she accepted that) or with me.

Meantime work, swimming and a walk to get some photos printed today. Meatballs and chilli for dinner tonight.

Yoga cancelled I'm afraid Toots so I'm signing for a beginners pilates class instead.

Catch up with you all soon