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[MrBond]

"I think it is time for me to stop covering up all of this. I really don't want to be vindictive or have him feel I am betraying him."

Contradictory.

If you want to tell your children, then tell them. But don't do it as a way of controlling him to come back.

"DR seems to say you don't go out and tell people, but how does that work?"

No it actually says that you don't go out and tell everyone. Doing that really doesn't do anyone any good. It builds resentment in the WAS and makes people choose sides.

"He really has no consequences for his behavior otherwise."

You can't FORCE consequences onto him. If your intention is to punish him for his actions, then you'll get a bad result.