I don't believe I have posted to you before, but I have read a few of your recent threads. You are getting some really good advice here so I don't have much to add, except comment on what Zues said:
Originally Posted By: Zues126
To me, though, we're cheating ourselves by belittling how devoted WE are to our M's.
I'd rather acknowledge that my M meant the world to me, it was a huge loss, I screwed up and am learning from it...and while my WAW is a seriously flawed human and in many ways I'm superficially relieved not to have to deal with her, the truth is that I believe we're all capable of growth, change, and better behavior when we find a way to work better together. So yes, it was a huge loss. HUGE.
But I still have my commitment to M and the fact that I didn't rewrite my own history as a coping mechanism, that I chose to respect my spouse and forgive them their humanity.
This ^^^^ is golden...
When bomb drops, we tend to blame ourselves for everything. Later in the process, while we go through the anger stage, we tend to shift all the blame to our spouses.
The key is to find that middle ground, where we are detached enough and emotionally honest with ourselves to see things (and people) as they truly are - flawed human beings with good and bad things.
Keep moving forward, Claire. You will be just fine!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
