On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

Thank you all for your support and comments. It means a lot to me that you have followed my sitch and have been pulling for me the whole time. This past weekend we went to dinner and had a great time. We were out late and when we got home she was half dressed and brushing her teeth in the master bathroom. This is unusual because she has been using the guest room for over a year. Then she shut the door to the bedroom and basically attacked me. We ML for the first time in almost a year and then she fell asleep in my bed. In the morning I left early to workout and when I got home she was very affectionate and loving towards me. She said how good it felt to be in my arms again and how much she wanted us to build a new relationship together. I told her that I had a great night but that I need to take it one step at a time. Then she asked me "What do I have to do to convince you that I want us?" I said "You know my basic conditions that I would need before I could make any commitment. Full transparency and stop attending that spinning studio. However, I'm not ready for a full commitment today even if you were to agree to those conditions. I want us to take it slow and see if we can establish a connection. I love you and I will always love you but I have been through hell and I need some time to figure out what I really want. I need to determine if I can ever truly forgive you and trust you.

For the rest of the weekend she has acted like we were a couple again. She is hugging me and touching me a lot. She asked me what I want to do for our family trip this Summer. She asked me about events that we have been invited to with our former "couples" friends. I am being respectful, loving and positive with her. I have told her how good it feels to hear the things she has said to me. She has also continued to ask me if I am involved with any other women. She is clearly afraid of losing me.

She knows that I prefer our M to work. But she also knows that I have serious concerns about whether or not it can work. She knows I respect her and love her. She is a good person who made some horrible choices. She has admitted on multiple occasions that she was not herself and that it was a huge mistake that she wishes she could undo. My plan is to continue to live my life to the fullest. I am not making any decisions about my M until the time is right. I know it is a fine line that I am walking but I feel very secure with my course of action right now.