Hi T, I see that you read DR. That's good so that you know what we are talking about.
You have landed among some incredible people. I am normally in the MLC forum, so I am familiar with MLC.
First of all, stop snooping. You have the information you need. Anything else is just going to make you crazy and doesnt serve you well right now.
If he is in a MLC, this is a long road. So you have to take care of yourself in order to get through it. Make sure you eat, rest, exercise.
They want to be heard. He is telling you that he doesnt want to be married. He feels that way now. You need to hear it. When you tell him that you want to work on the marriage, he feels you arent hearing him.
Imagine someone hanging onto your pants leg. You want them off, so you shake your leg. That makes the other person hold on tighter. That makes you want to shake harder and on and on it goes.
So, the key to all of this is to work towards detachment. It is a hard thing to do. It seems counterintuitive, but it is what is necessary in order to get through it.
The thing about db is that it can save us and sometimes it saves marriages.
You need to look at the things he has said were problems in the marriage. Figure out which ones have merit and begin to work on those things about yourself that you feel need changing. But you have to do it for you. If not, he will see right through it.
Begin to put the focus on you and the kids. Start to do things you have always wanted to do or learn. When you are around him, be positive and upbeat.
And he needs to visit with his kids on his own most of the time. He chose to leave, that is what happens when one does. He has to live his choices.
Stop pursuing. Stop telling him you want to work on the marriage. Let him feel you have heard him.
Keep posting. Keep to one thread until you reach 100 posts so that people can follow your story.
