Hi, V. I will be careful during this time. Whether meds, abuse or psych breakdown, it doesn't matter, I can't trust. Zephyr is right.
It's important to me to not try to color or frame, but to take off rose colored glasses. I will say that he must have loved me. As best as he could.
Tonight I had a session with IC. We looked at why I never gave up or thought about exiting during some increasingly nasty behavior. Whether or not I had really pushed him over as he claimed, and she pointed out instances where he claimed being run over by all kinds of ppl...she did not think I am miserable or lacking empathy and we went through several examples in my life that validate and show the opposite. We looked at places my H did enthusiastically walk beside me - I did not drag him all the way. I felt relieved. I still can use work in experiencing life more thru my heart than my head, and we are starting to look at life goals readjusting. It was hard tonight to admit how utterly pointless I feel as a human being in this juncture.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
