Ripken - Trying LRT and going dark. Now what?

[Wonka]

Rip,

Hiding texts...that's another one that is indicative of an A.

Have you read Rubicon's thread? He's doing what every LBH should do from the very beginning.

[Ripken8]

Wher can I find that?

[Ripken8]

Ok. Started reading it and it's great so far. I actually got the courage to go up to my wife and ask her if she was cheating on me. She looked me in the eyes and said no. I said so you haven't been physical with anyone and she again said no. I told her that I don't look on her phone or ask where she goes to give her space but when she goes out suddenly on a Sunday at 9am and doesn't come back til 2am she can see why my mind would go there. I want our relationship to be one where can talk through those things and I told her that. Not sure what to do now.

[Ripken8]

Also in reading rubicons, I already have separate accounts with my check going in there. She can't clean me out

[Joe46]

Rip my W hid her phone and texts. We used to have a joint cell phone account. I could never log on to it. I tested her one night to see just how much she was trying to keep me off the account. It was all the proof I needed. Along with all the other suspicious activity. Remember cadet first post to you with the links. Believe none of what they say! Right now you have a choice, keep dwelling on whether she is or isn't cheating or get busy working on yourself and make you a stronger person. You can still keep an eye on things. Intel is good. Your off to a good start by reading the threads wonka told you.

[Ripken8]

Thanks joe. I think that's the biggest difference between my situation and rubicons right now. His wife admits to an affair and won't stop. Mine doesn't. So spending my time reviewing things she doesn't or doesn't do to try and convince or not convince myself she's having an affair isn't doing any good. I asked her and she said no. So back to square on. She's either not having one and deserves space and trust or she's lying about it and there's nothing I can do anyway, so might as well use the time to work on me. I have decided if I find proof of an affair or she admits it, I will immediately let her know I won't be in an open marriage and put up boundaries. Will not ignore it. But right now, today, dwelling on is she or isn't she and continually asking her is doing more harm than good for her and me. I've already decided I'm going out wed and Friday night this week and skydiving Saturday. Ready to get a life. In between those days is time spent with our sons and working out and self help/these threads. Thanks again guys!

[Winhamn]

You are in a super tough place.

I'm similar age and time married together, 35 years old and 10 married, 16 together.

You can read my story if you want, but you and I are in similar places. It does no good to dwell on what the wife is up to.

You need to center yourself. Do things you want to do.

You will have really really difficult moments. You gotta learn how to work through those. Talk to people. Talk to your counselor.

I journal. Read self help. Do something active.

You just gotta keep it up. It's hard. And you aren't alone in this.

[Ripken8]

Thanks so much winham! I will!

[Winhamn]

Patience is key, as you've probably read elsewhere.

You are in for a rough time, for a long time, whether your marriage gets back on track or not.

Someone gave me some good advice last week: Just focus on the next five minutes. Do the best you can, be the person you want to be, do what you need to do, 5 minutes at a time.

[Ripken8]

All right. Booked myself for things out of the house. Have trivia wed night. Casino on Friday. Skydiving Saturday. Then the following week have an outing tues and a concert Saturday. I'm thinking 1 weekday night and 1 weekend night isn't too much time away from the boys or being unacceptable to her. But gets me out of the house for the gal part