My First Break, Light Shines Yonder

[Pyrite]

She said to me it seems so sudden to me because H is so far down this road than me, if I don't let go, I will never catch up and accept my reality and this will always hurt me.

i get exactly this same advice almost everyday. it is perhaps over simplistic and not commensurate with DBing but i dont think it wrong or completely at odds with DBing either. "accepting your reality" - thats the hard bit I think.

In my case, my W has said in no uncertain terms to many ppl, that she is never going back. She is 100% the victim, has practically been battered, will never forgive me, will never say sorry for anything she has done or said. In reality this is only hardening with time, and her new life with OM draws a firm hard line against me. I am becoming a smaller and more distant past. She isn't softening, she isn't analyzing the M and what part she played. She has moved on and moving further on everyday. She is convinced the kids are better off now and will life will only improve for them. Better off now is absolutely wrong, improve is a certainty, but maybe they would have suffered if W stayed in M for another year.

So "reality" is that there is almost no chance she will ever want to come back. Then there is where I am at as well. BUT maybe we can also include in that reality that "I am going to be a better person at the other end" and "their decision to leave and/or their decision/non-decision about coming back" is not going to change that.