Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

The girl from the quiz and I have been texting. I am going to meet up with her sometime this week. I guess it's a date.

I know, I know...but I have given this serious thought.

Altho W is being nice for sake of kids, she does not want to R in any way. More recently I've been asking myself if I truly do too. Recent posts on others' threads have hit home: I can't put my life on hold for something that may never happen. I've been slowly coming to this conclusion over recent weeks. I see W from a distant perspective now. Less contact and time apart, her refusal to work on M, some female attention; they've all played a part in getting here. I am detached. If W said she wanted a D tomorrow that would be OK. I've wanted things to work out so badly for so long but now I am making the decision to move on with my life. I will always be there for my kids. I will always have a place in my heart for the time spent with my W. Maybe there will be a day sometime in the future where things change. I don't know. All I know is you can't love the ghost of what once was when things have changed. She doesn't love me, want me, had EA/PA, moved out and moved on. I've lost weight, been through shock, grieved, obsessed, and now I feel quite at peace. I am worth far more than this. I've been through the biggest hell of my life. I survived. Now I'm thriving.

I don't know what will happen with the women I've met. I will be honest and up front with her. She's very attractive and I am curious to see what happens. If that turns out to be nothing then so be it, but I don't intend of moping around and longing for a life that has already sailed away. I will do everything in my power to ensure my children are as happy as they can be but ultimately I have to live my life too, preferably a happy life, and I haven't been happy in a while now. It's time to change that.