Wow. What if she's not though. I know it definitely appears that way but if I accuse her of it and she's not that pushes her even further away and then she feels I'm lying by telling her I trust her.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
You don't have to say anything to W for a while....you just file it away and be on the look out for some hard evidence. You might want to look for some intel to support this...very quietly without W's knowledge. People texting and sneaking away then coming home very late are the best indicators of an active A.
You are not alone in this denial...just like the other 2,567 LBH's here who proclaim "not my wife!" from the top of the mountain only to discover weeks/months later that she indeed was sneaking around with OM.
Is it entirely impossible that she just doesn't trust me and right now doesn't want anything do wih me but embraces going out with friends and wanting the freedom that comes with it without having an affair?
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Yes, that is possible. However, in all of my years here in DB, I rarely see "going out at 9 pm on Sun night and coming home at 2 am, socking away $1,000 in a bank account, and going out 3 times a week as just 'going out w/friends." Plus why be secretive about all of those activities?
So even I she is having an affair how does that change what I need to do? Dont interact with her, gal and find things that I enjoy doing. Leave her alone and move on as if right? So if she's not bringing it up do I really need to search for hard evidence? Is that snooping one of the first things lrt and going dark advises against?
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Confirming an A through intel does change the overall DB strategy. You only need to look in Rubicon's situation to see what we're advising him in respect to his W's affair with the OM.
Rubicon is killing it by implementing all the techniques we urge that all LBH's take that communicates to wives that living in an open marriage isn't an OPTION and shows incredible disrespect for you as a husband.
FYI...people who engage in covert A's don't bring it up or disclose it at all. EVER. They like to keep it secret so they can have it both ways: OP on the side while having the benefits of a spouse w/ family. That's called cake-eating.
You brought up snooping which is a valid point. Snooping and gathering intel are two separate matters. Gathering intel is to confirm and verify if there's an affair or a continuation of an affair. Snooping is constant checking on the spouse's activities that are of no consequence such as looking at their FB, texts, YouTube, etc which only brings painful emotions to you.
Have you read Sandi's threads for LBHs? That would be a good read for you.
Ok. I'm worried that by doing that right now will make it harder for me to be confident and upbeat. Also I already did some of that in February and she took it as an ultimatum and continued to rebell
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
