Sorry to hear about the stressful situation with the kids. That must have been so hard! I had to chuckle knowingly when you described the STBX texting on his phone. My ex does that too whenever he is bored or uncomfortable. I'm sure he was feeling very uncomfortable and retreated into his phoneland. Stupid!
I'm checking back in a little late to the vulnerability/trust conversation but I wanted to thank Underdog for recommending Brene Brown. Interesting!
I am in the same place with trust and vulnerability that you described. In my situation, I have twice been through LTRs that ended due to his cheating or imminent plans to cheat. The trust part was the dealbreaker for me. I am not sure that I care SO much about the actual cheating, it is the lying, the sneaking around, the dishonesty that I feel is so horribly disrespectful. Plus feeling like a chump... ugh. I told my exH many times that I have issues with trust and he seemed to be ok with honesty until he wanted out of the R and into the pants of his coworker.
Long story short, as Georgiabelle said it is hard to just forget after betrayal. You always carry it with you somewhere. Maybe you are just less naive. Maybe you are cynical. Maybe you can't be vulnerable.
That's what I am struggling with. I feel I am a cynical/logical person by nature and these experiences make it more difficult to be open and trusting. I feel like something is just out of reach and has been my whole life. I want to "know" that people cheat, see things logically, and yet not let it hurt when someone I trust betrays me. Accept that it is part of human nature to wander, and to expect that it could happen. I've got that part down, but how do I make it not hurt when it happens.
On the other hand, is it not self-fulfilling when you expect people to act like a**holes and then they do?
Good luck with Divorce Week. It sounds like you are keeping you head held high! You are really great raliced!
