Another WW/WAW, Need Guidance

[JAS84]

I spoke to my W regarding the issue of my son. Explained that other than understood family ties (grandparents, uncles, etc.) that I have been the recurring man in our son's life, and it should remain that way for now to limit his confusion. Understand that I have not been the best, but am getting better. She acknowledged this, said she didn't think to look at it through his eyes, and that she would consider its impact in the future.

She said that she thinks I am blowing this OM out of proportion, which is entirely possible, but I responded that emotional, physical, or somewhere in between, I hold both in the same regard. Her response was that they had a fire in OM's backyard, roasted marshmallows, talked, and W slept on one couch while our son slept on another.

She then reiterated that her feelings would likely not return, which I validated, and that she doesn't want to be unfair to me by letting this drag out, and wondered if divorcing now was a better option. I validated again, and told her it was a decision that she would have to make for herself. I stated that once she said the words, "I want to separate," things were no longer really about us as a couple, but became about us as individuals and doing the best we could for our son.

She said she didn't think it was fair to me that I should work so hard on myself if the feelings aren't going to come back. I validated her view, and I told her that I am not expecting her feelings to come back, that I am not doing this work for that purpose, that I am doing it for me, and doing it for our son. It is not something I seek permission for, a blessing on, or anything else of that nature. It is to be the best person and father I can become.