I really told him this time, with all the words, what I don't want, what I think is enough for he is the one that need to work his problems not me anymore.
But I also told him very clearly that I do not want the divorce, that I put the papers just for my own financial security, that I do not want to destroy my M and my Family.
That I wish things are different and that he would choose to work on our M, but it is not my reality and I am tired of lying to myself. I said to him that love is a choice and that he is choosing to give up, leave me and his family and that will respect his choices then.
I told him I am not going to be all depressed and hang myself in the garage, or take a bunch of pills. I told him I want to live well and many years, that I have my kids and a lot of fun ahead of me.
I said that I want to be kissed, hugged, make love and be loved again. And if it is with him, then we can put the work and if not then be it.
He insisted that it is not easy for him and that he is very confused and that he loves me a lot more then I can think. And then I said to him that people that love me this way, I want to put them all inside a trash bag, close it and leave it behind me because I do not need this kind of love that just hurts me over and over.
I told him that the only thing that bothers me the most is that we did not try harder, but I understand that every person has a different value of what a M and Family means to them.
I said that I was beside him for many good stuff, but also for a lot of bad ones. I reminded him many things I did to make his life easier and what I got from it.
He said all what I said is true and that he knows he made many mistakes and took me for granted. I said to him that it is done, we can't change the past, we can only learn from it and move forward.
H said he is confused and thinks every day about us, our M, that he is still thinking if our M can work again, if it is possible to try again and see what happens.
I told him that this is his problem, and his problem alone, he needs to deal with what he wants or don't and I will take care after my own life.
He knows the door is open, he knows I don't know until when, he knows I am determined to let other people into my life... so it is up to him now.
