Introduction - least creative title

[Closer2]

Thanks guys.

TenBook, I don't want to be toxic to myself, but I don't think this is a turnaround for our marriage. I believe this turnaround for her to do what she needs to do to end our marriage and be with OM. She said that she is dedicated to getting the house in order, to the kids, and to me. She said that she will not see OM for 7 weeks and he was okay with that, he understood. How is she dedicated to me? Sounds like she's dedicated to OM.

She did ask me what she needed to do to trust her again. That I could look at her phone anytime. I declined her offer. I don't feel the need to see her phone because we're still getting divorced. I didn't say that to her because I'm avoiding an R talk. There is no R now. I told her I would need to think about it because right now I just don't know.

She said she would show me through her actions.

What actions?

Getting the house ready to sell, getting the kids ready to move into her mother's.

Awesome, your actions to separate me from my kids and your life are the perfect way to show me how I can trust you. Why didn't I think of that?

I wasn't sure if she was serious and I should see that as an action to build trust or if she was insulting me. I found it kind of insulting. I didn't push back because I wanted to process the situation a bit more.

My head is all effed up now. During our M I was a nice guy. I kept my emotions bottle up because I didn't want to rock the boat. She has told me that sometimes she wasn't even sure I had emotions (so you thought I was a psychopath?). After reading books like DB, DR, and NMMNG, I am definitely more honest about my emotions and how I am feeling. However, I don't really want to share that with her right now. She has been having her emotional needs filled by someone else, she has lied constantly, and I can't be open with someone I don't trust.

I really need to get some more coaching. For now, I'm going to distance myself and just monitor the situation. I don't want to pressure her, but I also don't want to be crushed. I think I need to keep focused on this as a business deal.

How do I trust her again? Is this a sign of R, but because I have been avoiding discussing R she feels that I'm onboard with D? Am I right to think that it's to early to ask for NC with OM?

At least I have some GAL activities planned. I need to plan more because right now I feel like I'm over thinking. I need distractions. I need to focus on myself.