My EXW bombed the family when my daughter was 11 yrs old. She is now a fairly well rounded 16 yr old, soon to be 17.
This is what I can tell you from the conversations I had and continue to have with her. And understand most of this information has come out in the last year or so as our relationship continues to grow.
I chose to be there for her through everything, not knowing if it made a difference or not. You choose a path you think is right and you go with it. I think most times if your clear of mind you get the general direction correct.
She mentioned many times. Dad, I can count on you all the time. I can't count on Mom. Mom yells where you don't, you listen. Mom tells me what to do. You ask me what I think and then let me make my own decision.
Now, she still goes and stays with her Mom a couple days a week. Usually the comment when she returns is "why do I do that to myself". Only she can answer this. and she will get the answer when she is ready.
The reason I write this to you is this. They see a lot more than what you think they see. Your actions will make a difference. She might not say it. Like I said, I walked that path for 3 + yrs before my daughter every uttered a word that she said I made her feel safe through the divorce.
Life is learned through the hard decisions. Decisions you may not get answers to for long periods. I think these are the spiritual deserts we must walk through.
