Eirinn, I want to let you know that I am very hopeful for you right now. Crazy right, why??? You have chosen to stand and fight for your marriage despite getting $hit back from your husband. I think that this journey will make you a more complete person, who will understand your own needs and be able to love and enjoy your life way more than before. You will get there... There will be struggles but all I've read of you, there is strength there!
The struggle of not knowing what is happening with your husband IS absolutely terrible. Right now though it matters very little...unless you have made yourself ready to do what is necessary to be able to move on. What I mean is if you were to discover some kind of affair today, are you ready to set down your boundaries with husband AND willing to enforce them. Are you ready to possibly file a divorce if it were to come to that. Are you ready to move on or love separated?
I am not asking if you are willing to give up or quit, quite the contrary. U are here to work on your marriage. You want it to succeed and flourish. This is the time for working on Eirinn, to make yourself into the best person you can. We keep reading these sentiments of making ourselves the best we can be, but once we have fully bought into them (well I was Pretty skeptical anyway for myself) it don't make tons of sense.
Sorry I tend to ramble, point is you are in a position to take some time to work in you. To focus some of that awesome energy of yours and channel it towards figuring out what makes you happy and to do it. Husband still at home, so there is time, right. He has a journey he is on and nothing we can do to solve his issue, anything we do towards that end will only push farther away. Be pleasant, own your side of the struggles and work on them, show understanding and be the best you, you can be. That includes (in no small part) detaching from the husband and outcome of his journey.
