Onwards and upwards.

[Barry]

Hey Mozza, Thanks, I do feel stronger. You seem to be doing well yourself.

Don't get me wrong, if there were any way of avoiding D, I'd most likely still do it...although I'm not 100% sure.
Unfortunatly, our old M is dead and needs an end. Only then is there a chance for a new beginning.
I'm accepting of it because I have to be, all other roads lead to despair.

Will we ever have a loving R again, I don't know (I still hope so even though it seems like I've given up - filing has that effect!), but if there is ever to be a chance of that it needs to be on more equal terms. I have my own path to walk now and walk it I will.
I never would have even put my shoes on without W forcing the issue but now I'm out there, it feels ok...empowering. I think one of my biggest problems in our M is that I felt like I had no say, no control, that I always followed W's lead in everything out of fear.
Fear of this sitch becoming a reality. That fuelled what my W saw as controlling behaviour, and what I saw as trying to level the playing field.

I never wanted this, lets face it, who does. Yes, it's sad that it's happened but maybe this is the hand that fate has dealt me to save me from a loveless existence and to give me the oppurtunity for growth as a man. My W and I could have changed any number of things to prevent this but we didn't, and maybe on some unconcious level - we actively made it happen so we could both be happy...IDK.

What I do know is that I'll be ok so long as I remain commited to moving onwards...and upwards.

Barry