Affair Over but Stuck

[Hurt06]

Anger that's perpetual is often a means of control. I'd guess during your M when she got angry you'd change your behavior to try to make her feel happy again.

Well, now she's looking at her plans to the future and after speaking to a L she realizes she needs you to agree to her terms for her to get what she wants. Some would think that she would be treating you nicely then to keep it friendly, but she is doing what always worked before: putting you in your place.

Yes, many of us have been here before. I've gone through 4 spew jackets since BD. The trick is not to let it impact your behavior or you'll only encourage it.

I would set strong, strong, strong boundaries.

Also- I would take STRONG independent action with your own lawyer. Do not be passive. Not only do you protect yourself, but you don't want to appear to be clinging to the M with both hands kicking and screaming. The message should be "No, W, this is not what I wanted for our family. But I accept you've made this decision. You can leave if you'd like, however I am not going to stand by and be disrespected or taken advantage of legally however."

Zues126...WOW!!!!!

"Anger that's perpetual is often a means of control. I'd guess during your M when she got angry you'd change your behavior to try to make her feel happy again."

The light bulb just went off in my head! Things just became very clear!....you nailed it....thats exactly whats been going on in my M for the past 12 years....holy cow do I feel like an idiot!

"Yes, many of us have been here before. I've gone through 4 spew jackets since BD. The trick is not to let it impact your behavior or you'll only encourage it."

What is a "spew jacket"?.....this anger temper tamp-trim behavior? wonder how long this will go on for?...not that it matters as I am moving forward anyways....with or without her....Im getting better and stronger everyday....still hurts...just a little less each day....Im starting to see a bright future and a much better man and father than I was 8 months ago.

Sadly, I have a really good L standing by... she says I am naive and need to file for D immediately to protect myself. Again, D is not what I want for me and the kids so in some ways I am taking a chance by not filing first....I am trying to do everything possible to prevent D without giving up my core values and solid boundaries I have set in place. I will no longer be taken advantage of....legally or emotionally.