Why does she tell you these things? <shrug> Who really knows? It could be that these men are just friends. Seriously. Or they could be neighbors. Or.. Who really knows, right?
I realize what it's like, Wet. I have been THERE to be sure. It doesn't help that you're feeling discouraged and somewhat down about the physical problems.
But you're digging a dry well. Heading down a cheese-less tunnel. You're... well, you get the idea.
Try to stop that line of thinking. It doesn't lead anywhere good for you. And you have no control over her actions. Only yours.
What you're going through is not easy. It's not. But there are things you can do to prevent additional difficulties for yourself. Such as not "lashing out" and reframing your thoughts around what's going on or not.
I can tell you that you can guess and it'll usually be the worst, whatever you come up with. And more often than not, it won't be accurate at all. Since that's the case, you may as well imagine the best possible outcome, wish her well, and go on about your merry way, Wet.
I doubt seriously that if she were to knock on your door tomorrow and tell you she wanted to fix the M, that you'd take her back. Maybe for a little bit, but this new person is not somebody you'd be happy about long-term. Too much water under that bridge. Too much damage. So I can only think that you'd like to repair your ego a bit and be the one to tell her no. To see her fail. Or to see her hurt as a way to make you feel better (as evidenced by the texts.) But you already know, and I can agree with you, that you wouldn't be happy about it. For more than a second or two. That kind of effort is not going to bring you peace.
So your health is not optimal. Your son has a new bat and its working well, your daughters are doing well, and you've been volunteering and helping others.
All in all, not too bad a life, Wet. Perhaps things aren't where you'd like them to be in all aspects, but now might be a time for a lot of gratitude for what you do have. You may find that brings you much more joy, peace and happiness than anything else.
Not that you won't have your moments, my friend. You will else you wasted a lot of years up to now in my opinion. But I do think it would help to focus on the things you're thankful for rather than being down and worried (hard to do, I know).
Put some thought into it, my friend. I know you have it in you.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
