Shakspr #5: I fear and hope, I burn and freeze

[Shakspr]

Hello, everyone!

As suggested, I am checking in once again. Here's the facts, followed by the observations, and the whatevers.

My collarbone is healing slowly. I have started rehabbing. It's sore, but I need my strength back to get back in shape. I put some of the weight back on that I lost prepping for the ski trip and that's not cool!

Stress and anxiety have taken a toll. I thought I was fighting allergies to something (or a bedbug infestation!) - laundry detergent, soap, foods. Turns out, it may be a combination of those (and nickel) or maybe none at all. I have mild hives that come and go. I think that getting back on my exercise routine will alleviate this. Also, I am forcing myself to get to bed earlier and rest. The condition seems to be improving as a result.

I am refinancing the house and I took on a boarder. I've known him 8 years and I trust him implicitly with my kids. This will/has helped tremendously in the finance arena. I needed help - turns out I owed about $4K in income taxes after all the changes.

XW and her new man have not followed through on the remarriage yet. They are living together still. My children have made reference to the fact that the house they are living in is temporary. I get the feeling that it's a fix and flip situation. She and I don't talk much. That's mostly by my choice. I want everything in writing, so it's email or text for the most part. I am setting boundaries in this way - I have to remind her often that if she's not talking about our children, I don't want to hear about it.

So, the biggest concern is SS16. He has lost his way. After moving in with his Dad, other problems, probably buried pretty deep, began to manifest. He is in a care facility getting the help he needs. He has harmed others, himself, and sees no reason to stop either. His Mom and Dad are both talking to me enough that I remain informed. He is in my prayers daily.

My S11 and D8 (soon to be 9!) are a joy. My son has taken up boxing. No comment. However, I did box in college as well. It's the best shape I've ever been in when I was in season, so there is that. D8 has started cheer. She tells me she wants to stay with me more and also says she doesn't like all the going back and forth. I try to listen and answer her questions. She is a lovable inquisitive little girl.

So, on to the more subjective stuff. My mental state has varied mightily. For the most part, I recognize the lows and do the things that I know help mitigate them. I GAL as much as I can - went camping with the kids last weekend. Soon I will look at more of the individually fun things - concerts and cultural goodies. Summertime is good for all that. I have a trip to Florida with the kids coming in June, and a hiking trip to Colorado coming up in August. Also, I am quieter now, and somewhat less glib even when I'm having a good day.

I am beginning to agree with the "rule of thumb" for mental healing - about a month for every year married. I don't know why...it's more intuitive than anything.

Speaking of which, I am learning to trust my intuition again. I think we all change in marriage - some better, some worse, some just different. But I was never able to articulate parts of my decision making process to my XW because they were inductively reasoned (or just hunches!), and at some point I just gave in and let her have her way about most things. So, not answering to anyone but myself and my God for my actions and planning has been kinda fun.

So, tomorrow is my 6 mo divorce anniversary. Hadn't really looked at it that way until I started writing this down. So, this is your chance to ask questions (even icky ones about QDRO and Deeds of Trust and so forth). Fire away! I'll stay on the thread and answer any questions as best I can.

Shakspr