Julie, Definitely tell the kids not to bring info back to you. You do not need to hear this rubbish about what is going in that household. It's one thing for them to talk to you if they are upset w/their father. As for the kid running off at the mouth...it's to stir the pot and keep the kids upset. Besides, what does an 11 year old know about the situation except what she hears and sees going on in that house?
It's time to set some boundaries for yourself so that you can heal. BTW, it takes time to detach and you can't detach if you continue to hear rubbish. The kids mean well, but it's not helping you to hear this stuff.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
