Surviving the rollercoaster by getting off two.

[Karma12]

Very interesting update! Honestly, it's very hard to know what to make of it. There's a section of DR explaining that friendly advice is often anti-relationship because our friends want the shortcut to what's best for us, so they suggest to bail on anything that is short of perfect. I have that in mind as I reflect on your recent dating (and I'm concerned that your overreacting friend will read the worst in date #6!).

I'm under the impression that your fireman is mostly clumsy. We're all afraid of rejection, so we go out of our way to avoid it. Perhaps you said something that gave him the wrong impression, perhaps a friend suggested to slow down so as not to scare you, perhaps, perhaps... But I can hardly imagine he's not that into you and yet keeps on coming back, holding your hand and kissing you. Careful not to fall into the mirroring trap again.

As for the not suggesting any activity, I don't see it as a dating problem, but perhaps something he's not very good at in life in general. It's long been my problem and I much prefer being organized that organizing an activity. It's part of the Nice Guy script: we're afraid of not conforming to expectations, so we go along with everyone else's choices. We feel like our preferences are not really worthy. Perhaps this guy really likes monster trucks, but won't tell you because it's more important for him to please you. The problem is that this over-adaptation is not very attractive in the long run. Just a thought.

I understand that the dance of dating is full of things unsaid. Still, a good part of me wonders why you two can't quite just say what's on your mind at this stage. You've kissed passionately already, so in my inexperienced mind, the worst is behind you and you know the attraction is mutual.

I hope there will be a date #7. I recently sent LisaB to year thread as she's also facing the dating scene from the woman's perspective. You might also want to look her up and share your experience.