WAS asked for divorce today.

[25yearsmlc]

PS

I think you need a strategy and a game plan. Here is what I posted to someone else and much of it applies to you and your situation.

Game plans require a stated GOAL, and a plan to achieve that goal.

But the goal cannot be to reconcile with your wife.

Sounds sad and harsh, I know. But this^^ is ALL about you wanting something you cannot necessarily ever have again So for now--

Let's do what the vows say and drop the past so we can move

"From this day forward"...

The goal FOR NOW must be exclusively about your own growth as a man. Becoming the best man you can become.

DEFINE that in specific terms you understand.

Get some "mantras" or inspiring quotes for yourself, and SAY them out loud to yourself several times a day.

Turn your marriage over to God, to free yourself to just work on YOU. No more focus on the outcome, or trying to manipulate it...let go.

Behave in healthy confident ways and eventually, you will FEEL healthier and more confident. In TIME, your life will improve.

The improved life you create for yourself must and will be enough for you.

What your wife does or believes about the new wonderful you, is far beyond your control.
Any efforts on your end to affect that, are for nothing. They are wasted energy.

That energy (the energy spent on worrying about her

OR in trying to convince her of anything about you) is a waste of energy.

Spend ALL of your energy on becoming the best man you can become. The reality of who you become, will suffice. It MUST suffice.

If she believes you are a purple lesbian from Mars, you may not be able to change that belief but you cannot let it change the reality that you are a man with great qualities. You cannot focus on someone who believes false things.
Her beliefs will NOT be based on reality, her "data" about you will be false.
Those beliefs and her behavior cannot matter to you now.

The fact that you become a better man and great husband (for someone) has to be enough for you. Because it is real. If you keep in touch with her family or other mutual friends, word will get back to her.

THAT^^ is all you ought to "do", b/c it happens to align with your goal of becoming the best man you can become. NOT to win her back -but b/c you want to self actualize.


The effort to understand her now, or to "teach her a lesson", and or to "get" her and to make her understand (anything) about you or that you love her, is ALL for nothing. Worse, it's actually counter productive.

It means your energy is "outward bound" instead of being about YOUR own growth and YOUR Changes.

You'll keep checking in with her to "See if she knows that I feel X" and you'll keep on taking her temperature to see if "she knows Y and Z"

and your energy will continue to hone in only on HER reactions to your behavior.

That ^^is no way to live and it sure won't re-attract her to you.

(If it were effective and if it worked, it would have by now.)

Go inward for the changes you need to make, and outward to GAL.


Get her off your radar screen...for now and the foreseeable future.

Turn the marriage over to God, & simply completely take charge of your own life.

When you become the best man you truly can be, and you know it,

then you can turn ALL of this over to God, let the cards fall where they will,

and be at peace.

From this day forward, Hold your head high and live your life well.[/color]