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[Maybell]

AHW,

You've gotten outstanding advice here. I am so sorry you are going through all this. Vanilla, Raliced, and Joe especially have given you solid advice that you should really ponder.

When I was in the place you're in, I got advice from a dear friend in real life that I think has saved my life. She told me to stop thinking about the H first and to focus on rediscovering my own value.

AHW, please: go find your own value.

You've been jumping through your H's hoops far too long. Staying together for your kids is surely causing so much of their current issues. Do you think that if he's being that open with you about his stinky OW that they, practically adults, can't tell how offensively he's behaving?

My kids are much younger than yours, but their behavior has improved enormously with my improved sense of myself. If you need something to give you purpose, take a long look at the pain your kids are showing you and think about how poisonous their environment is. Then set about saving yourself. They will be saved with you.

You've said a number of times that he isn't interested in tending to the marriage. He is showing you who he is. What you are doing is not working. Believe him when he tells you who he is. Don't keep making choices based on who you want him to be. Make your choices on who YOU want to be. That's all you can control.

You may not want to hear my perspective because you are here to save your marriage and my marriage is gone. I totally understand if that's the case for you. I felt that way myself. I never believed how much happier I'd be without STBX. I never believed my kids could be better off. I never wanted to believe he was who he was showing me he was. your H will not change till he's motivated to. He will not be motivated to change while you continue to submit to his abuse. Please think about that.

FIND YOUR VALUE.

Best to you, and a long squeezy hug and some prayers for you and your kids. You DO NOT DESERVE to be treated so horrifically.