AHW

Please get tested, your kids need you around. Sex with H should be safe, this OW could be a time bomb. Safe sex ok!

We want you safe.

This is about you, not about getting one over on a nasty OW. And H is not being romantic and loving with a pick up, he is getting his rocks off. This type of R is an addict R not an involved one. The hook is excitement which has a short life span.

My H is a compulsive gambler and I am not to blame for it. Nothing I have done, this is his responsibility. Same as you, if you want an open R that's fine but be safe. There is nothing out of bounds for consenting adults, but I do mean consenting. You all agree and there is no harm.

You are only inferior with your consent. You write as if you want to hang on to this H and be part of his fantasies yet you are here considering DB. Mid May is a month away and then what? Another hurdle?

OW is irrelevant my darling one. You are no competition for this OW and you do not have to be. That addiction of your H will get worse for him to contain.

In order to continue with his addiction any addict will rationalise, blame, manipulate and create smoke and mirrors. It may also be that you are addicted to your H, this is called codependency and it can be very difficult for a codependent to cure their own addiction. Codependents keep adapting to addicts because they are 'lost' or 'lonely' without the addict. They need to care for the addict.

You may be codependent with your H, it is worth considering with your IC. I mentor gamblers partners and loved ones sometimes and with long standing addictions this is distinctly possible. Evaluate this. Being with H will enhanced your sense of loneliness unless H is in recovery with you. DB is a good solution for personal growth for you and sits very well indeed with 12 steps and supports it. With an addict then honesty is key. The acronym HOW describes recovery

H for Honesty
O for Openess
W for Willingness

Honest about the addiction, open about needing help and willing to change.

Your H is not refusing to be romantic with you, it's just that he may see you as an extension of himself and that you are not separate from him. He is unlikely to be romantic with you and resolve the problem. A resource that he can use as he wishes. There is also a saying that applies here, you did not cause this, you can not control it and lastly you can not cure it. Sadly this OW will be replaced by another. Be wary this OW sounds too good to be true, she could be a fantasist.

There are a couple of books that I recommend, codependent no more and a second book called codependency for dummies.

Of course stronger boundaries will help you a great deal.

Keep posting

V


Last edited by Vanilla; 04/18/15 11:11 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW