Moving On - LisaB

[Zues126]

For those of you wondering what is going on with your wayward man, I read the other day that something like 90% of guys have regrets and wish they could go back to an old relationship while only 25% of women do. Interesting.
LisaB

It's strange, I've seen so many conflicting surveys it's enough to drive someone crazy. Stats on who recovers quicker, emotionally, financially, who's happier, remarriage stats, regrets, etc, etc. But then another stat says that unhappily married couples that stick together end up being happy in their marriage at an 80% clip 5 years later. Point is, when an M is that bad it's hard to regret not being in that spot down the road. And for a WAS they attribute the D to escaping that destiny, whereas it might have been escaped without such a destructive choice but they'll never realize that.

I am skeptical of all of them. It's like the joke about the statistician that drown in a river that was on average 2 feet deep

Besides...you're not a statistic, nor am I. We are one situation. So regardless of trends, our situation is unique.

But it does bring up an interesting point. After some honest reflection I can tell you that I do still cling to the hope that my ex will regret the divorce someday (even if we don't ever get back together). And I am of the hope that someday I'll be glad we DID get divorced. It's probably a sign I have growth and more detaching ahead of me (which I already knew), I'd like to reach the point where it no longer matters to me. But I know that if my STBX looks back at the D as the best move she ever made even after she gets out of the fog and after I've become a different man, well that would still sting me a bit.

I think for me I'll always view it as a tragic and unnecessary loss, and while my M was terrible I do believe that we were supposed to stick through the difficult times, make serious sacrifices about what we wanted from an M, and do the best we could to appreciate what we did have and the broken partner we were with. I don't know that view will ever change.

But though I'll always consider that a sad chapter in the story of my life, I do intend for the next chapters to be about my personal growth, strength, appreciation for my life, and the chapters after that the union of me and a partner that feels the way I do about the importance of commitment. Bottom line, I can still be content with my life without ever rejoicing in the loss that's occurred.

And it wouldn't surprise me if my W never regretted her decision because she WILL be happier in 5 years most likely than at the bottom of our M, so she will use that to confirm her decision. And the loss of the M won't be as impactful to her because clearly it meant more to me. That may sound like mindreading, but I think it's fair to say since I NEVER would walk away from an M and she did, so clearly the importance of a lifelong commitment was conditional to her at some point. So I guess I just have to make peace with this and look forward to whatever lies ahead, be it a partner that is willing to go the distance, or another failed launch. Either way all I can control is the choices I make and me doing my part, so I'll be content doing my half as best I can.