These are your feelings, and you are entitled to them. 100% and more. You need never apologise for your feelings or justify them. Please do not deny them to yourself. You are clear to me. Your answers have clarified a great deal. Thank you.
This tension is untenable and is creating issues for you which it is ok for you to resolve. I now understand more, yes there is denial and not of the type I believed need clarifying.
Msd this EA is tacky and OW is a tacky horrid little scuzz. You can think of her as such and need not engage with her. She is less than you a downgrade on a wonderful wife such as Msd.
As a boundary you may state that if her interference with your daughters social and education life continues you may discuss the matter of breach of professional ethics unofficially. State that you are considering a change of schools for D and want to evaluate this. You can if you feel that this is for the best.
It is likely that OW colleagues are more than aware if there is an EA. In these sitches it is usually the OW that has to move on. This scuzzy is unprofessional at the very least.
Msd think about what you want to do and not what others want. Do what is best for you and your D.
Firstly, you are NOT crazy! You are being gaslighted even as your instincts say you are and things are unclear. This tension is unreasonable and your H wants it this way. Your gut reaction seems correct. Clearly you would be best if the truth were known.
Secondly, if you prefer to prevent your D play dates in your home do so. There is no reason why you can not limit your D friendships to those of your choosing. Unsuitable friends are unsuitable friends. Say "no" and let others resolve it.
You can try the elastic band technique and pinging it on your wrist as a reminder. That helped me keep screaming banshee in order for a long while. it is a classic CBT and straight from the manual, eventually it was unneeded but it worked.
Consider a new IC if this one is no longer helping you. As long as you need fresh eyes and ears then it's good to change the therapy and therapist. Do that which you need to do.
If I were Msd then my job considerations would come first for a short while.
Ignore if H is a master at manoeuvres with regard to Legal stuff. Msd your own counsel would be wise as you wear your heart on your sleeve. Even if H is irritated that does not matter, Msd has feelings too.
You do not have to do anythidng, you can do whatever you damn well please whenever you want. If you want to contact OW then do so, whenever you want to about whatever pleases you. Make your own mind up about it, it is ok, you need not apologise for it.
Make as much fuss as you want whenever you want to. Do this as a plan, a strategy, not to be nasty or make wild accusations, use the truth as a sword, it is your friend. Instead of being random be deliberate. You have your suspicions if they are neither confirmed nor denied then you have the right to discover and uncover the truth. That has to be better than where you are at the moment and would be a 180. This feeling of craziness can be resolved.
Otherwise be silent hold your own counsel as a tactic. Think of yourself as a secret agent on an undercover mission. If you want truth then you can have it, if it were V she would want this. It is not unreasonable, you could consider a three way meeting with this OW and H, they may or may not agree. Msd take care of you. You are worth it.
Msd the tide of feeling is turning in your favour you know this. Slowly slowly beginning to change. The edge of hopelessness is gone, Msd I am so very proud of you that I smile as I type this.
Your DB friend
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 04/18/1505:03 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
