It appears that it is the not knowing that is the problem. That it is the living in a position of hidden A, an insecure position. Is it or isn't it?
How can you be sure?
It is the gas lighting and hidden nature?
Who knows or thinks they know?
I am absolutely convinced that it is this denial by Msd. The insecurity of not wanting this to be true. That your H is saying selfishly that this scuzzy W is not an OW. In the meanwhile you are babysitting her daughter.
Msd you are too good to your H. This friendship or EA or PA is wholly inappropriate and needs to stop.
Msd you need peace from this, a space, a gap, this is not you being crazy, it is your sitch. There must be a way of confirming this to your own satisfaction. Msd as your DB friend I am convinced enough this is damaging to you. I am sure this is an R that you do not want to accept. An inappropriate R.
This is untenable, you are asking yourself to live in this tension in order to maintain an illusion of hope. Your H selfishness with this inappropriate R is harmful to you as is your denial, the denial of harm. Living in denial and harm is amongst the worst damage you can do to yourself. Msd this is like living in an alternate universe, when you live with a gambler or a hidden alcoholic there is this illusion. So it is with a hidden A.
Consider if this is a full on A what would you do? What evidence would satisfy you?
What will you do with the knowledge?
You will breathe, get support and DB. You will stop babysitting OW D, you will have hurt but you will have space to move on. I understand you wanting to maintain the status quo, and you use the word crazy.
You use this word crazy, you cry it out over and over wanting to be heard because the pretend life you live is different from the reality. Google the word gas lighting and know what this is doing to your soul. This dissonance and failure to see reality. This wanting something different from the reality is normal, it is usual for LBS.
I hear you Msd, I would like you to face the reality, to cry with pain for loss, for I truly believe this will release you. Call this A from the roof tops, be real, know the love Msd has for herself. Find a safe person and go cry with anger for the reality. No longer be isolated in real life. Forget about saving face and save yourself from further harm.
Msd then the word crazy will be only a word again.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 04/18/1507:42 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
