Sorry about your recent troubles mustardseed, I hope things get better for you.

I think we never really get an answer that satisfies us with why this is happening, so pressing our WAS for answers and discussions doesn't do much for us, yet we all it at times. I think that's one of the more difficult parts of this is accepting the answers we want or need don't really matter in the long run and might not even exist.

We all have those moments where we break down and fight for that answer, its normal. Just a week ago I was in tears after I found something that strongly suggested W slept with OM. I asked W why I wasn't good enough, why OM, why she pushed me away during the miscarriage and never let me be there, but she did HIM...... I hate I asked it because I felt like I was doing so well, but I was desperately grasping for anything at the moment to give me some comfort and/or closure. It was the first time I've been needy and desperate in a long time. What we need to accept is that the answer doesn't exist because it really isn't about us, its about them. We fight our battle, they fight theirs.

Also, give yourself some credit. Your going through an extremely difficult experience and loss, its normal to have wild thoughts and emotions. It takes time and patience with yourself to be able to control your emotions and let go. Your not crazy.

I haven't read all of your threads but I plan to when I get some time. I see some similarities just from the little I've read and what you posted on my thread that interests me.

Stay strong and keep moving forward.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be