I know I need to see an attorney soon but what are some of your thoughts... Legally she's right, the money is ours. How can I really enforce my boundaries? Creating another account seems like it would cause trouble if we got before a judge?
I ran everything by my attorney, and made sure to put it all in writing to my wife so that she couldn't lie about any of it. I erred on the side of being overly generous, but generally split up the family monthly budget into "needs" and "wants." I continued to finance all of her needs, but not the stuff she used to enable her affair. Basic haircut and blowdry? Yes. Expensive salon haircoloring to make her look younger for her 20-years-younger OM? No way. Monthly pmt. on her cc, 2/3rd of the balance was her tummy tuck plastic surgery? I made 1/3 of the pmt. I continued to pay for the mortgage and all of the utilities, and our groceries and other family necessities, but I limited her gasoline and the stuff mentioned above. Cut off her cellphone completely.
Furthermore told her that she needed to get a full-time job and we would pay into the joint family account in proportion to our income. I continued @ 100% for the next 30 days while she increased her hours.
etc.
I set up my own account where my paycheck was deposited, and to which she had no access. I then transferred enough into our joint checking account to cover the family's basic needs for the month. I told her this (in an email) after I had already set it up.
You should see a good family law atty asap -- preferably one specializing in "men's rights" and paternal custody issues -- and get a free initial consultation. Run everything by her or him first.
