Then W proceeds to threaten me and says she will fight for full custody of kids because I'm untrustworthy, etc. Expectedly, W blames all of this on my decision to tell OM's W.
I would take the D4 to the birthday party and pick up the slack with regards to the kids at every opportunity possible. Waywards are unpredictable. I knew a guy once who was a part time professor and stay at home dad with a corporate wife who worked ungodly hours and travelled all the time for work who still lost primary custody of his kids and then within a year his wife petitioned the court to move 1500 miles away with the kids. He sees his kids over holidays and a month in the summer now. Custody battles are ruthless and it's not just a one time thing. You could be battling over the kids for years so the earlier you start documenting that YOUR primary concerns are the kids in this mess in contrast to her primary concern being herself and NOT the kids...the better.
While fighting for you marriage you need to protect your backside legally and financially. Wayward wives can turn on you in a second and make all sorts of claims. A text request like that, in my opinion, should be met with a "sure, when can I pick her up". I don't care if it makes her life easier or the affair easier. I just don't think the kids are a chess piece in this gal/detaching game.
Another consideration. YOU are the only sane parent these kids have right now. They need your protection as much as possible these days because your wife sure doesn't truly care about anyone but herself right now.
Last thing. She's living at her parents house. The "consequences" aren't really gonna be felt by her if and when you deny taking the kid over to your friends house anyway She's just gonna get her parents to do it.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
