Jim, thanks for asking. It may sound a bit weird I know. I mean we have been S for 9 months, and I have spent virtually no time in his company and hardly spoken to him. So clearly I can live my life without him...and pretty happily too - and I'm sure it would only get better.
I suppose (and I'm a bit ashamed to say) that if we remain M, he isn't actually free to M anyone else. That's the one thing he can't do while we remain M. I know we have no R now, but I still find the thought of him M someone else hard. Because if he is M to someone else, that's not something I believe we can come back from.
That's part of it. Another reason I don't file, is that I don't think I should give up on our M because the going got tough. I want to know in five years time that I did all that I could, and feel at peace with my part.
But also I feel that in order to file for D myself, I need to feel truly done, and be able to happily accept the fact that he may well go straight off and marry someone else..
Does that all make sense?
Last edited by Toots; 04/17/1508:42 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
