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[Closer2]

Hello DBing board. My situation is getting out of control. I'm having a very difficult time with this divorce. STBX will not respect my boundaries. The first time she did not respect them, I asked her to leave. She did and she would return home at 7 AM to care for D4, pick up S9 from school. Then leave after I got home, sometimes she would leave after the kids went to sleep.

That was very hard on the kids. It was hard on me because of how much it upset the kids. It was also difficult for me detach when I would see her every morning and every night.

STBX became very upset after a few weeks. She asked me to let her come back to the house. She promised to she would respect my boundaries and told me she understood that I wasn't punishing her, but protecting myself. I felt relieved that she could see I needed the boundaries in order to get through this divorce.

Then last week, I found all the FB chats she has been having with OM. It was clear that she did not respect ANYTHING about me or boundaries. She lied about not having sex, not going to see him, not texting him while I was in the house. Every boundary was mocked by her.

I realized last week I have no control of this situation. She is gone and she will hurt me with no remorse. She will do what she wants to when she wants.

Yesterday realized that I can't live like this. I asked her to leave the house and if she did not leave, I would. She told me that she knows she has made terrible mistakes and she wants to refocus on the kids and the house. She wants to help me get it ready to sell. That she will not leave to go visit OM anymore until we sell the house. She said that even though she knows I'll never believe her, she really does want to stop hurt me.

I listened and validated. I told her I don't think I can trust her right now, but I do want to get the house sold. If she really did want to stop hurting me, she needs to stop lying. That's the only boundary I have now. Just stop lying. Go off with OM, call him, text, just don't lie about it.

Again, she assured me she wouldn't lie. She wanted to work together with me and try to rebuild a relationship so we could be good co-parents.

Then she says that she'll be out of town for the weekend.. WTF???? She's going to OMs to tell him all of this on Saturday and spending the day with her sister on Friday.

She calls me today to see if D4 can stay at her sisters. I ask her to put D4 on the phone so I can talk to her and tell her I love her. STBX busts into tears and tells me she is at OMs.

Wow, not even a full 24 hours. She is sick. I am just as sick for even thinking she was being honest about helping me with the house and not wanting to hurt me. If she had told me she was going to see OM on Friday it wouldn't have made it any worse than leaving on Saturday. Why did she even lie about it? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Her mother, sister and friends help her pursue this relationship with OM. I dread that my D4 is going to learn that to be happy you just have be selfish in life. Crush those you swore to protect if it makes you happy.

The divorce is almost final. Should be stamped by a judge next week. I'm struggling with what to do. I need to go dark, fully detach. For my sanity I have no other choice.

Should I move out? She has no job and she can't make the house payments. She can get the money. She won't make the repairs needed on the house even if she has the money though.

Should I stay in the house? Change the locks? I can drop off D4 at my parents everyday and have them pick up S9 from school. I can pack her clothes and put it in the driveway for her pick up.

I know I need to detach. I know people can do it when they are in the same house. However, everyone that must live in the same house and tries detach understand the difficulty. I have tried many times throughout this situation. I understand that I have made mistakes and I have given her way to much slack. She has abused me because of that. She thinks I will give in to whatever she wants because I have shown her time and time again that I will. She doesn't understand just how completely finished I am with her. My breaking point has been reached.