Thanks for your reply. A litle more background. We have been married almost 22 years. My H has had an issue with internet porn, that started probably 17-18 years ago. I was not as sexually adventurous as him and he has an extremely high sex drive. I know i could have responded better, but his addiction made it really tough. It progressed from watching web cams to hooking up, sexting, and then an affair about 8 years ago. I discovered it after about 6 months and he pretty much said we could stay married but he wasn't giving up the OW. We went to a couple of counseling sessions but he would not end it. I compensated by jumping through hoops sexually, but he lied and kept up the affair. At some point (maybe 9 months in ) her H found out and things fizzled.
Around that time I got depressed and gave up because it seemed all the effort was on my part. He did lots of camming, etc and we were also dealing with teenagers, twins with ADHD getting in lots of trouble at school.. He says I only tried long enough to get rid of the M. His tastes got more and more out there and he wasnt in to working on anything
He stopped approaching me for sex. It had been 2 years. We talked about it some. I begged him to really try to work on everything. Stupid of me but I hoped something might trigger a spark or change so we could address all the issues. We are so close to leaving behind all the stresses and being like newlyweds again in 2 years when boys go to college.
In November one of my sons got in trouble at school and got kicked off the football team. Apparently my H response was to place an ad on Ashley Madison and he is living out a fifty shades of gray fantasy so its very intense. 3 weeks ago the same son got picked up for shoplifting and my H said he didnt care anymore when I asked him who he kept texting.
So its all new all fresh. Believe it or not I feel like we could fix things if he got on board but maybe I am in denial
so No not really spending a significant amount of money on affair. We have a cabin they use
we both work
no real consequences yet not sure how to address with problems with kids
