Ironically, Sandi, the fear trap is part of what got me into this mess in the first place. I was paralyzed by the fear of not knowing what to do, how to act, how to just BE ME, and it made me shut down and become reclusive.
When I laid the boundary of "not living in an open marriage", she began to yell at me, declaring that she wondered how long the charade would last. She really ripped into me, saying things like she was surprised that either of our families would even talk to me because I've never given them the time of day, that I was being controlling by taking the primary parking spot in our driveway, and that it was only a matter of time until I was alone in my life, with no family, no friends, and no support.
I smiled, calmly said that I parked in the driveway where I did because, in my eyes, she does not live there anymore, and that both of our families respect and care about both of us.
I agreed that I made many mistakes over the years, but that I did not force her into a decision to start an outside relationship. I walked away, she followed, and said that her decision to do so was indeed her own, but that she did not see it as a mistake, but as liberating.
I went to the garage to smoke a cigarette, and she again followed, and asked if we were getting lawyers now. I told her that as long as we could keep our emotions in check when speaking with each other about our arrangements, that I didn't see a need to, and she went out.
PS: She continues to park in the secondary spot in the driveway now, even when I am not home.
Last edited by JAS84; 04/17/1507:53 PM.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
