Complex #7 - the green(-card) mile

[Complex]

Got it.
Very rough morning for me. Cried some more last night. Need to get it out of my system. Don't want to get out of bed. Besides all the positives, the pain sits deep after what happened yesterday. I know I'll lose W forever. There's no way I could ever be her friend. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Getting closer to divorce makes me pretty nervous.
Thanks for validating that even if her friends back her up, it does not make things right. Her argument is very hard to overcome tho: "We got married very fast", "I took a chance". Something she said really hurt me, "We wanted to be together so I thought 'let's just do it'". I mean seriously? You stand in front of 200 people and a priest and instead of saying "yes I do" you were like "Maybe it's too fast but let's just do it!"??? Like what the hell are you talking about??? This makes no sense. She seems completely blinded by her current feelings VS what truly awesome connection we once had. Pretty ridiculous.
Enough dwelling and grief! I had to vent some tho. I didn't in a long time. What am I gonna do?
First of all I need to get out of my damn bed. It's my birthday tomorrow too. I'm torn between my options what to do: go to a goodbye party of a mutual friend who's leaving to go to the east coast. W will be there and a lot of her supporting work friends. Awkward situation. But he's a good friend. I could also just meet with other friends. And I'm also invited to do something with that woman I had a couple dates with. Last option is most likely going to end in some sort of making out...there is some tension going on. Not sure what to think about it.

Weird how I can actually cry again and feel more depressed even tho I take AD's. Feels like they don't work as well anymore since a few days.
I just need a kick in the butt.

And thanks for the advice Ontheup. Felt good to read that.
I might opt for legal separation first, so we will both be able to keep our legal benefits, it'll make a huge difference financially. But I'll treat the LS like a D, so I won't get caught up in any more hope.
It's interesting how good of a conversation we had yesterday. It kind of keeps hope up a bit, which in this state isn't a good thing.