Anxiously waiting for it to fall apart

[dejavu2]

H arrived home on Tuesday AM, before I had a chance to get a bedroom set up for him. He isn't interested in moving to a different bedroom.

He came back very different than he left. For the first time in a couple of years he isn't stressed or grumpy -- I don't feel the anger from him. His spirit is happy and peaceful. He is engaging with the kids and helpful around the house. Today he even took care of getting his driver's license renewed (almost a week before old one expired). He has been very complimentary and "trying" to rectify my old complaints (e.g. he doesn't finish projects).

I am slightly confused. He is acting like nothing happened. I haven't forced a R talk as he came home with the flu and jet-legged. I did tell him that is he wasn't certain he wanted a D than we should wait on mediation. Without a job or any certainty where he is going to live there are too many unknowns. Also, the sessions cost around $350/hour. Feels like we could burn a lot of cash without a lot of agreements. He seemed to agree with the logic.

I have made some decisions about my/children's life. I want to move back the USA in 2016 (unless still married and he has a career here). I really want kids to experience a bit of high school and attend university in the USA. I would focus on the Eastern seaboard or CO, as my kids sports are best served there. I told H my plans and he listened. He is hoping to get an offer from a company in AZ, however I told him that I didn't think it would be a good fit for me/children. He agreed as well.

We are still trying to get house ready to put on the market -- I am amazed at how much energy that takes. Flowers planted today. Still have to get painter in and new carpets for 1 room. H asked if I still wanted to sell the house - YES, I do! He agreed. It could take us a while to get house sold, so better to get marketing it sooner than later. IF we are lucky and sell it in the next 6 mos, then we will make decisions. I am happy to rent until moving back to the USA.

Today, H agreed to go for a hike with another couple about our age. They just returned from an expat assignment and husband is unemployed too. We all actually had a nice time. H and other H are going to meet up for a drink next week. Before the walk, H said he felt all alone with his problems; however I know of 5 other Hs going thru various versions. I reminded him that his own father was forced to changed careers at about this age (so did my father). Books and hollywood don't show this side of life too often (usually only the man who has gone off the deep-end in midlife) -- I assured him that this is a normal phase!

It feels good to have a plan and the ability to implement it. I know H needs/wants a career. I want H to feel fulfilled in his life; however I want to be fulfilled also!