Boundaries are for YOU. For example, I don't let people smoke in my car. It doesn't mean that I am controlling them; they still can smoke. Just not in my car. That's my personal space. Do you see now the general concept behind boundaries?
Let's take your recent example here: "If we are going to communicate effectively and resolve seperation/custody/property issues then I need you to actually read my emails and respond."
Is that a true boundary or more of a controlling statement?
You cannot make someone read emails or not. However, you can facilitate improved communications by setting the tone and coming across as cooperative by seeking out the other person's thoughts.
I am not up to speed on your specific sitch. However, you need to differentiate between a true boundary or trying to control something (event, outcome, etc.) out of frustration or fear.
