My H definitely claimed to have a problem with my anger, directness, confrontational style. I believe some of this was valid in the sense I was hurling anger at him pre BD.
But in the beginning...idk. I was always calm, rational, quite assertive and he would escalate and blame me for having anger 'seeping' out of me.
I believe - since you asked - people pleasers have a hard time accepting when others aren't pleased with their actions. Some men have trouble standing up for themselves by saying yes, no, or letting it be ok that someone is upset. I believe this is insecurity to be so afraid of another's emotions. Unless your W anger is abusive to you? Shaming, belittling, name calling?
Personally, if there is something I'm upset about, I would like a partner to be able to listen, validate. Offer his thoughts in return for same. How can people be intimate if they are not honest and able o work tgrough real feelings?
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
