Still have hope

[kippz]

Background-
One day he suddenly became distant and was suddenly complaining and blaming me about/for everything and saying that I don't know him at all. One night he suddenly said he didn't want to be with me anymore. He moved out and lived on his friend's couch a few miles away. He moved back in with me and the kids a couple of weeks after. He said he ended the EA. I didn't ask anymore questions as he proved to me that he has really ended it. I was just happy that he was back and moved on. I didn't ask any details about the EA. I just swept it under the carpet- my feelings.

We were doing okay reconciling until months ago, I started asking questions about his old EA. I became over jealous. I became insecure. I started asking questions about everything he did. Suddenly the feeling that I swept under the carpet was all coming back. He said until when are you going to drag this along? Are you going to hold this against me for the rest of our lives? Are you going to mention it every time we argue about something else? He recently then said that I always complain about everything. Always accusing him that he's doing something wrong. He said he had the old EA because he didn't feel comfortable talking with me. He said he was not in love with me anymore.

We still live in the same roof. We still sleep in the same bed. I try not to make plans with him but he makes plans with me and the kids. He said he's trying to get the feelings back. Every other week he changes his mind from staying or going.... It is confusing but I am still hoping.

I've read the DR and trying to practice it but sometimes I slip to my old ways again. How do you prevent yourself from slipping back to your old ways? When I'm practicing DR, we're doing great and he never mentions D but when I slip to my old ways, it just goes real bad and he starts to mention D again. This is like a roller coaster.

Please share your similar experiences, thoughts and advice. Thank you.