I've been reading your thread and just wanted say I can really, really relate to your situation.
my stbxh never said I was beautiful (and I am!) and was emotionally unavailable, dismissive, stonewalled, etc YET I lived in denial largely because he's also extremely responsible, successful, cool/calm/collected, etc.
Like yourself, I've realized in this D process that I didn't love or value myself, in this relationship and in life in general.
In this D process, stbxh was initially very cold and emotionless...I felt like he became a stranger almost overnight. He wants his space, but wouldn't really be respectful of mine (I was living at our house until recently, and he'd just show up unannounced or give me 10 minutes notice) to do "yard work" or whatever.
Anyway, we're in the process of selling our house right now and to my surprise (thanks to DB and 180s) it's gotten to a point now where it feels like "us" again when we communicate, but more like friends, which is what I can expect right now I suppose. My friends have told me he's noticed I'm acting "different" (whatever that means) and he's asking about me, my whereabouts, etc.
Long story short, our communication has improved tremendously over the past few weeks. Yet, once the house sells in a few weeks, I'm trying to prepare myself for him to stop talking to me altogether, only when necessary for D process that's currently underway. Because, despite the improvement between us, I know he still wants a D, which I don't understand but....I'm learning to let go. It's just easier, much easier, not to fight it, ya know?
