Onwards and upwards.

[Barry]

Hi all.

I do feel I've come a long way, although it's been a hard and rocky road. I haven't helped myself or my sitch at times either.

When I say she doesn't deserve me, I mean she doesn't deserve my love or loyalty as a spouse any more. She's the mother of my children and we've had a good life together so I'll probably always feel "something" for her, just not love in the real sense of the word. She said she doesn't care for ME in any way now. That obviously hurts me deeply because she's saying that the last 23 years have meant nothing to her and the fact that I'm the father of her kids is just coincidental. I've a feeling that she is making herself be that way so that she can see this through to the very end without any thoughts of R.

As hurtfull as that was to hear her say (and it really was), it's helped my detachment no end, and for real this time.
I honestly didn't think it was possible for a person to change so much, which is one big lesson I'm taking from this.

You're right Mozza, I don't think my W ever planned to do this in any way. We talked about a stable family life and our future as a couple right up to BD. The intention was always to stay together but as you say, she lost the will before I did.

To use your analogy above Mozza, our car has been dented twice now and we've tried to buff them out both times.
She wants to scrap the car instead now. Sad but true.

I'd forgotten how much GAL helps in detaching. I'd been neglectful of that in the last few weeks. I was too busy attending my pity party that had a crowd of one. I put a stop to that 10 days ago. I've been doing lots with the kids, visiting existing friends (and made some great new ones too) and family in the last couple of weeks. My social circle is expanding nicely.

I've been invited on two holidays!, and been told by five or six women that I'm quite the catch and a lot of women would be thrilled to be with me. All good confidence boosters of course.

I've actually been asked out on a date one evening next week by a woman who's a friend of a friend. She's attractive, funny, single (divorced) and appears to be quite smitten with me. To be fair, I was flirting a little with her on a night out with a big group of friends.
I was really just trying it on for size.

She knows the basics of my sitch from her friend and realises that it's quite soon for me. When she asked me, she said she'd like it to be a date but if I prefered, I could just look at it as some food with a new friend. I think I'm going to go with that attitude to be honest. I did tell her that I needed to sort myself, the kids, the house, and get my life back on track before I had another relationship.
I don't want to lead her on.

I'm off to see my eldest son and his girlfriend tonight then visiting my sister in law and nieces over the weekend. I'm really looking forward to that as I haven't seen them since October.

I'll try to log on later and catch up with others sitch's. I feel more like I have something to offer the forum now for some reason, and even if it's not advice, I should offer support as so many of you good people have done for me.

Take care, Barry