Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

Couldn't edit the post above but here's the edit I wanted to make:

EDIT: Upon reading this back, maybe I overegged the last sentence. W and I are getting on better but clearly since we're not together she has issues with me like my attitude, past behaviour, unloving nature, or whatever feelings she has from the ball of confusion inside my head. The main thing is I'm learning not to spend any time worrying about it. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know I can't have it right now - or maybe ever! I can live with that as I am slowly moving forward with my life. The one thing I can never move on from is that I want my children to have the best chance in life possible. Yeah, I know, we all love our kids. I'm not saying they're great at X or better than Y's kids. I'm just saying I love them so incredibly that I can't help but feel some shame when I think of them potentially growing up outside of a traditional family set up. It's not what I want. Almost as much as myself maybe selfishly wanting a R with W is the feeling of wanting our children to have their mum and dad together being happy to set them a great example in life. W doesn't want that right now - and may never. Again, I know I have no say in that but I do feel shame that my past actions have of course somewhat contributed to things being the way they are now. I guess I just have to plough on with what I'm doing and let time take its course, in the hope that one day things do work out.