No, the settlement is not final, and now that I've had some time to calm down and think I know what I'm going to do about this.
Claire, I am worried to death about the long-term impact this ALL is going to have on my kids. I'm doing my best to model strong, ethical, kind behavior. It's taken a ton of introspection and effort but I can't do more than that.
Wonka, D12 is part of a super tight-knit group of really good girls who all live within a couple of blocks of our current house. She's semi-free-range in that she has access to her best friends without relying on cars or parent coordination. The boys' circle of friends is a little different and they are a lot younger so they haven't gotten to the stage of independence that she has. I'm trying to preserve her access to this circle of friends. The liberty she enjoys is something STBX and I agreed was important for all our kids; it's partially possible by the fact that the kids and I know so many of the families in the neighborhood and that gives me a lot of peace of mind.
The four of us have discussed this at length and the boys said they would be comfortable with leaving the neighborhood if necessary, particularly if it meant they could be in a great new house. D12 cried at the thought. She'd rather live in a shack close to her friends than a nice house away from them. She's that age. I get it.
There are other, practical considerations that make it desirable that I be able to stay nearby, and I'm hoping that they will sway STBX when I present my counter next week. I don't know if I'll get everything I want but I have a plan and I think I have a shot, at least.
One of the things that was so upsetting yesterday was that the way the alimony portion was written it was like he was checking the box of "I acknowledge that under the law I have some obligation here" and completely demeaning me personally. He also added a clause intended to control my personal life that I found insulting.
Today I've got my head around the truth that I am valueless to him. That I have been valueless to him for a LONG time. I release myself from that and I'm looking forward. No point in crying over what never was.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
